28 of the Freshest and Funniest Tweets of the Week (August 3, 2024)

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  • 01
    Aaron Fritschner @Fritschner "Wow that's so, interesting they should make a TV show about this" Breaking News Rupert Murdoch is in 17m ago secret battle against three of his children over his media empire's future, sealed court papers show. 4:19 PM 7/24/24 From Earth • 1.4M Views 2K Reposts 123 Quotes 33K Likes 815 Bookmarks
  • 02
    greg✪ @greg16676935420 I have no idea why Apple is charging me $1.99, $5.99, or $7.99 and at this point I'm too afraid to ask 2:30 PM 7/22/24 From Earth • 703K Views . 274 Reposts 18 Quotes 15K Likes 159 Bookmarks
  • 03
    Nooruddean @Bearded Genius Never check your work email on a day off WOLF SPRITZER MEZCAL MARTINI CINA SINK 4 G NEWS REAR EWS THIS IS FIRST TIME A U.S. PRESIDENT HAS D . 4:43 PM 7/21/24 From Earth 5.4M Views . 13K Reposts 690 Quotes 134K Likes 5K Bookmarks
  • 04
    Andrew Ingalls ❤ @andrewOingalls Nothing has improved my life more than my wife's best friend marrying a loser 8:52 AM 7/24/24 From Earth 1.2M Views • 547 Reposts 163 Quotes 25K Likes 1.2K Bookmark
  • 05
    snail @tallsnail applying for a baby passport is funny Height: * Feet: 2 Inches: 5 ☑ 4:49 PM 7/24/24 From Earth 3.8M Views 7.1K Reposts 360 Quotes . 329K Likes 4.5K Bookmarks 27 snail @tallsnail.2d Occupation: * CHILD ? Σ ✓ 企 ... 26 17 822 51K | 335K ☐ 1
  • 06
    Octavio Medina @octavio_medina Portugal sharing the boat with Qatar and North Korea 4:27 PM 7/26/24 From Earth ⚫ 2M Views 9.6K Reposts 473 Quotes
  • 07
    Rodger Sherman @rodger the first American medal of the Paris Olympics goes to COOK 'N' BACON!!!!!! S. BACON/K. COOK 3m BACE ТЕЛИ ОВА DIVING WOMEN'S SYNCHRONISED 3M SPRINGBOARD COOK BACO LIVE OLYMPIC GAMES RESULT DIFFICULTY 3.0 PIKI CHN CHANG Y. /CHEN Y 337.68 D 2½ SOMERSAULTS 1 TWIST 5152B 2 USA S. BACON /K. COOK 314.64 3 PRATS GBRY. HARPER /S. MEW JENSEN 302.28 AFTER ROUND 4 4 ITA E. BERTOCCHI /C. PELLACANI 293.52 5 AUS M. KEENEY /A. SMITH 292.20 6 GER L. HENTSCHEL /J. MULLER. 288.69 7 UKR 8 V.
  • 08
    mary kate & ashley take the c... @steeww heartbreaking gender reveal: french 500 2:10 PM 7/26/24 From Earth • 216K Views 642 Reposts 16 Quotes 7.4K Likes 204 Bookmarks
  • 09
    Callum Asplen @callumasplen wow, if you look closely you can see that the olympics is actually set in the same cinematic universe as ratatouille 4:19 PM 7/26/24 From Earth • 9.7M Views 40K Reposts 644 Quotes
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    molly taft @mollytaft if you're not watching the olympic opening ceremony the main torchbearer is a masked vigilante wearing keens and les miserables-style revolutionary rags who entered on a boat to the phantom of the opera theme and is now doing parkour around paris to techno. extremely french 1:07 PM 7/26/24 2.6M Views . 7.7K Reposts 784 Quotes 96K Likes 7.7K Bookmarks
  • 11
    KSEW Drea Blackwell @KSBWDrea General Lebron James crossing the Delaware PARIS OPENING CEREMONY NIS 3:04 PM 7/26/24 From Earth 281K Views 2K Reposts 92 Quotes 16K Likes 510 Bookmarks
  • 12
    PERSONAL sreekar @sreekyshooter in Paris he actually goes by LeLeBron . 4:24 PM 7/26/24 From Earth 3.8M Views 6.1K Reposts 183 Quotes •
  • 13
    kFrost @KyleBearsCA Watching men's volleyball and one of the Argentina players name is Loser Bruno And they losin ES 2 14 20 8 LOSER BRUNO 8
  • 14
    Vic Damone Jr @dagreatest33 Just waiting for the Womens volleyball match between Brazil and the Dominican Republic #Olympics ☑ 2:34 PM 7/26/24 From Earth 2.8M Views
  • 15
    CoLo @MsCoLo Who do you think is cooking for the athletes? X. D. @Xavier DLeau. 1d @XavierDLeau⚫1d what did paris do with all the rats? 3:24 PM 7/26/24 From Earth - 8.6M Views 44K Reposts 967 Quotes
  • 16
    claire de lune @ClaireMPLS whoever it was at ralph lauren who decided the bottom half of these outfits would be denim will not see heaven. they look like they're about to go drink bottomless mimosas USA Basketball @usabasketball • 1d The USA Basketball delegation departs for #Paris2024 #Opening Ceremony CANTONE
  • 17
    joe favalaro @JoeFavalaro Gotta say, as a Canadian, watching this season of America has been absolutely riveting. Kudos to the writers. 2:24 PM 7/21/24 1.5M Views 4.9K Reposts 446 Quotes 64K Likes 1K Bookmarks
  • 18
    @PEACHYBLACKGØRL we really living in the the most difficult section of someone's AP gov exam in 2053 3:11 PM 7/21/24 From Earth. 3.1M Views 24K Reposts 721 Quotes
  • 19
    Djinn & Tonic (Official Acti.... @HegelwCrmCheese On a conscious level, I had no idea that Mongols throw raves on horseback. But on a deeper, subconscious level, in my heart, I knew that to be the case. sascha @SaschaAmato · 22h went to the Mongolian rave and nobody knew you 8:08 AM 7/21/24 2.3M Views . Ž
  • 20
    Meredith Renee @merewilsh twisters is a 10 outta 10 movie for hooting n hollering. gasps galore. had my arms up at screen to catch the debris. glen powell has chemistry with everyone, including the storms. makes you wish oklahoma was real. • 11:36 PM 7/19/24 From Earth 919K Views • 1.5K Reposts 116 Quotes 28K Likes 1K Bookmarks
  • 21
    jb @ghostofjohnbro who else got the morbs? Got the morbs Article Talk A "Got the morbs" is a slang phrase or euphemism used in the Victorian era. The phrase describes a person afflicted with temporary melancholy or sadness. The term was defined in James Redding Ware's 1909 book Passing English of the Victorian Era. 9:56 PM 7/24/24 From Earth • 1.7M Views 5K Reposts 566 Quotes 46K Likes 4.1K Bookmarks
  • 22
    belly @OJTheKing_ So y'all can get on the plane smelling like wild german shepherd? Matt Golt @mgolteez · 1/19/23 Airports should have gyms. • 3:14 PM 1/20/23 From Earth 6.1M Views 22K Reposts 903 Quotes
  • 23
    john @johnsemley3000 the episode of BAR RESCUE where Jon Taffer turns a pirate-themed tavern into "Corporate Bar & Grill," whose logo is a faceless man in a suit: the most evil hour of TV ever produced. never has a man ground human souls into dirt with such relish. monstrous. 11:54 AM 7/26/24 From Earth 2.1M Views 1.4K Reposts 165 Quotes
  • 24
    fraser ramon @SteveMerkle9 Marc J. Spears @MarcJSpears. 1d How does Los Angeles beat this opening ceremony in 2028? 5:52 PM 7/26/24 1.2M Views 2.1K Reposts 22 Quotes 32K Likes 306 Bookmarks
  • 25
    Ashtyn Butuso @lil_buts My bf bought CFB 25 at the same time I started watching Love Island USA and we have not seen each other in a week. I don't even know if we're still together 9:34 PM 7/21/24 1.4M Views 688 Reposts 128 Quotes 32K Likes 683 Bookmarks
  • 26
    trash jones @jzux i found it guys. the worst hinge answer of all time I'm looking for Someone who can beat me at pool and look good doing it (and reads Dostoyevsky in between shots) 10:37 AM 7/27/24 From Earth 632K Views 267 Reposts 117 Quotes 17K Likes 429 Bookmarks
  • 27
    Nate Solon @natesolon Mail is crazy because it's like 99 pieces of straight up garbage and 1 that if you don't reply to you're going to jail. 4:18 PM 7/26/24 From Earth 782K Views 2.7K Reposts 74 Quotes 43K Likes 686 Bookmarks
  • 28
    katie @katefeetie "and who is your primary care doctor" buddy it's 2024. are you also gonna ask me who my butler is or where I've parked my lamborghini, be for real 10:56 AM 7/27/24 From Earth 1.5M Views 7.9K Reposts 235 Quotes 79K Likes 1.7K Bookmarks

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